21 things not to buy this holiday season

A note to self and, perhaps, to you

Below is a list of 21 things you needn’t buy this holiday season — unless, that is, you want to. Who the hell am I to dictate your spending?

1. A new silly holiday sweater for that ugly sweater party you’re attending

   1. borrow one, thrift, or get creative, won’t you?

2. New fuzzy socks for every person you know

   1. I always panic buy some stupid little thing to make sure everyone feels loved, but I don’t think the panic is worth the squeeze

3. Wrapping paper

   1. You can use magazines, a scarf, an item from your tote bag collection, pages from a beautiful calendar that’s perpetually stuck on October 2022, since now that it’s nearly 2025, it may be time to give it up.

      

      Wouldn’t this Robert Cardinal painting look gorgeous wrapped around a small gift box? Or should I keep it on the wall?

4. Sparkly holiday nail polish

5. A sparkly holiday outfit

6. A sparkly holiday headband

7. 8 days-worth of presents for Hanukkah

   1. I benefitted from this tradition as a kid, and I appreciate my parents for participating in the pervasive Christmas-influenced tradition, but I want to start something new with my kids. (TBH, I can remember ~3 gifts I received during those times that I no doubt looked forward to.) Right now my tots are too young to know that many families do this, or what a present is, really, but I’m working on finding ways to make the holiday fun, charitable, and memorable, without bogging us all down in stuff. Is it cruel?

8. Glasses and hats that say 2025

   1. I have both for 2024, and they are sitting in a box reminding me that, while festive for the moment, the buy was dumb.

9. Extra items for your survival bunker

   1. Y2k has passed

10. A sparkly, glitter-adorned holiday card

    1. Can’t be recycled and glitter gets everywhere and that’s not really a nice gift, is it?

11. A cute new menorah

    1. I own 5, but none as elaborate as this Susan Alexandra number:

       

       What would your ancestors think?

12. A frontal lobotomy

    1. Even if you think 2025 will warrant one

13. Tinsel?

    1. idk, feels like a waste to me

14. Holiday-themed outfits for your dogs

15. A tree-scented candle

    1. Go smell a tree

16. A new coat because it’s on sale

17. Stupid gag gifts or stocking stuffers

    1. Junk can be fun to give, but it’s not that fun to get

18. Gift wrap with your Amazon order

    1. These $3.99 gift bags really grind my gears, boil my blood, send me to dark places. They are so so shitty and, beyond that, unnecessary. If you’re shipping someone a gift from Amazon, explain to them that you opted out of the wrapping option because you love them and don’t want to add such superfluous waste to the world in which they live. Simple and sweet!

       

19. New plastic toys, if you can avoid them!

    1. Not always realistic, but there are sooOooOOoo many used toys in thrift shops and on FB market place that can make you feel a little bit better about having so much plastic all around you every where help I’m drowning in plastic

20. The skincare and makeup items that won’t leave you be on Instagram

21. Pretty much any product that’s haunting you on social media — don’t let them win!!!!!!!

    1. I recently read the book “Feed,” by M.T. Anderson. It was written in 2002 and immaculately predicted the way capitalism has weaved its way into our lives and — while not exactly true yet, also physically into our bodies, which doesn’t feel far off. One of the book’s protagonists attempts to throw off the great big capitalistic machine by making it difficult for it to define or label her as any one kind of consumer. She spends time researching items like car tires and axes and other weird shit no teenage girl could be interested in, and I kind of love this as an act of resistance. You won’t find me on TireTok, but maybe I can at least confound the algorithm by never ever buying the under eye concealer that guarantees to make me look like a newborn baby (I will try, but I cannot promise).

Happy holidays!!!